“Outlaw Blended Families Now!” – Coming to a Bookstore Near You

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Coming To a Bookshelf Near You.” Write a summary of the book you’ve always wanted to write for the back cover of its dust jacket. 

Why are these people smiling?  Could it be Valium?

Why are these people smiling? Could it be Valium?

Critics are raving about the tell-all book, “Outlaw Blended Families Now!” written by wife, mother, step-mother, ex-wife, working woman and all round bitch, Ms L.  The author reveals how a new marriage that involves combining families, although filled with romance, goodwill and the promise of a bright future, can be derailed in short order by children, step-children, ex-spouses, alimony, child support, attorney fees, two sets of parents (and grandparents) for each child, visitation schedules, lack of income, too little time and too many commitments.

Ms L. postulates that if two people truly love each other, they should “suck it up” and raise their own kids before moving into a beautiful, calm and loving marriage thereby avoiding years of anxiety trying to co-mingle funds, kids, school functions, food likes and dislikes, clothing/fashions, teenage dating, schoolwork, cars and driving, after school jobs, college applications and the disparities of  how the other set of parents bribe the kids; i.e., if the step-child receives a new car for his 16th birthday from his mom & step-dad while your child gets a 1993 Chevette with 201,000 miles on it, there’s bound to be ill-will.

Ms L is lobbying for a law forbidding re-marriages if either partner has a child under the age of 18, making allowances for widows and widowers.  She further claims that the stress and anxiety of raising a blended family causes extreme weight gain and ugliness.

Asked if she regrets her second marriage with the addition of two step-children, Ms L snorted, “I wouldn’t change it for the world!”  Why the dichotomy between her advice book and her own life?  “I’m an exceptionally strong willed woman and whenever I got overwhelmed I napped. Keeping a bottle of Scotch in the cabinet above the kitchen stove helped.  Combined families are not for the faint hearted. Now you’ll have to excuse me.  I’m late for my botox appointment and then I’m off to Weight Watchers”.

“A great read.  I couldn’t have thought up a better horror story!”, Steven King.

“Terrific character development.  L’s description of the ex-spouses was superb and her plan for exterminating them was right up my alley,”  Dean Koontz

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Categories: Daily Prompt, Family, Humor, Life | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

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