Posts Tagged With: alligators

When Life Gives You Lemons Throw Them at an Alligator

Daily Post:  Not Lemonade – When life gives you lemons… make something else. Tell us about a time you used an object or resolved a tricky situation in an unorthodox way.

 

If you’re going to throw life’s lemons at an alligator it helps if you live in southwest Florida and have citrus trees in your backyard overlooking a canal or other body of water.

 

Life has recently handed me a bushel of lemons and I have been feeling angry, hurt, frustrated and all those other awful negatives.  I was in my backyard miserably picking up the fallen lemons and oranges that were beginning to rot on the lawn.  In a fit of pique, I threw a lemon at the trunk of a large pine tree on the bank of the canal.  It felt so good when it splatted that I hurled several more that either satisfactorily splattered or missed completely and splashed in the canal.

 

When one particularly hefty lemon hit the water, I heard screams of delight from my granddaughter who was down on the dock feeding bread to the turtles and ducks. “Grammy, that lemon almost hit the head of the alligator!”  Alligator?  Holy crap!  I ran down to the dock and found a 3-foot baby alligator in among the turtles probably wondering why everyone else in the water was getting so excited about the frozen, stale hotdog buns and garlic bread Rebekah was throwing to them.

 

After showing her how to make spitbablls from the bread, I took my granddaughter back up the bank and gave her a pile of lemons to try to throw at the trunks of the trees.  Then we tried throwing them into the water between the trees.  While pitching the fruit I explained one of  life’s lessons —  that sometimes when you’re really angry or frustrated and want to throw things, it’s best to throw things that won’t break or hurt anyone else.  Things that splat or splash are good,  especially if you’re cleaning up the backyard at the same time.

 

“Can I throw some lemons at the alligator?”  Knowing that it was highly unlikely that she would hit it and suddenly feeling much better and happier, we gathered a bunch of half-rotten lemons and went back down to the dock.  Sure enough, there was the baby alligator about 10 feet from the dock just floating and minding its own business.  Bekah let fly and the splash startled the alligator.  With a look of contempt, it headed to the opposite shore.  We laughed and threw the rest of the fruit at floating leaves and twigs.

 

Rebekah asked me where the mama alligator lived.  Oh yeah.  Beating a hasty retreat up the bank I figured we’d wait for life to hand me coconuts before tackling mama alligator.

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Categories: Aging Gracefully, Daily Prompt, Family, Humor, Life, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , | 2 Comments

See ‘Ya Later Alligator!

Blogging 101, Assignment 9 – Engaged Posting

I was reading “Weird Thoughts” on The Creek, a witty blog by a man who lives on a creek with his dogs.  His weird thoughts included wondering what would happen if his eyeball popped out while he was rubbing his eye and he put it back in sideways, would he lose his balance?  If he put it in backwards would he see the inside of his head? Pure silliness which is right up my alley and got me thinking about my own weird thoughts.

I live in Florida where everyone knows that there is an alligator living in every body of water.  Floridians are taught that although alligators can run up to 35 mph on land, they cannot make right-hand (90 degree) turns, so if you are ever being chased by an alligator, simply make a 90 degree turn.

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Seriously?

Who in the world is going to remember to make a 90 degree turn when a prehistoric beast is charging up their backside? Does it mean that if you make three 90 degree turns you’ll come up  behind the monster and you’ll be safe if you stay in back of him?  Can he run in a big circle and come up behind you?  Who tested the 90 degree theory?

I’ve always imagined I would get behind a tree figuring by the time he maneuvers around the tree, I would have time to make several 90 degree turns right the hell out of there.  Of course this whole conversation is moot since I’d drop dead from fright and my eyeballs would probably pop out.

Can you beat that weird thought?

alligator purse

 Q: How many arms has an alligator got?
A: Depends how far he’s gotten with eating his dinner!

Q: Why don’t alligators like fast food?
A: Because they can’t catch it!

Q: What do you get if you cross a alligator with a flower?
A: I don’t know, but I’m not going to smell it!

Categories: Humor | Tags: , , | 11 Comments

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