The Patron Saint of Chaos

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “A True Saint.”  In 300 years, if you were to be named the patron saint of X, what would you like X to be? Places, activities, objects — all are fair game.

St. Jodi was canonized on the 300th anniversay of her first miracle.  The miracle occurred on the day her husband left a trail of breadcrumbs to lead a wild Muscovy duck through the back sliding glass door of her home, marching through the dining and family rooms leaving a trail of guano (the duck, not her husband) and followed by three pre-teens shrieking in delight. The miracle occurred when St. Jodi was able to avoid having a stroke or murdering the duck, her husband and the hysterical children.

The second miracle took place on an overlook in the Blue Ridge Mountains when St. Jodi pulled the car she was driving onto an overlook and avoided hurling her son and husband from the peak.  They had been telling jokes about yaks and making fun of her driving for 100 miles. At the moment that she lost control and contemplated murder she had a vision … a cold, frosty martini served by a repentent and adoring husband.  A miraculous amount of self control and prayer enabled her  to deliver her family safely to their destination.  

Many miracles performed by St. Jodi have been reported by family and friends but could not be substantiated since friends and family members were reluctant to provide their real names.  Reports of miracles signed by Popeye, Betty Boop and Captain America were not accepted by church officials although the stories told were about a woman of miraculous self-control, love and good humor.

Officials were able to substantiate the first two miraculous episodes through submission of video proof.  Experienced audio technicians were used to eliminate the screaming and laughter on the video.

St. Jodi is honored during the week after Labor Day when children typically return to school.  To request blessings from her, place a bottle of Chivas or a nice Cabernet on her doorstep.  Go in peace.