So you get to a certain age and body parts don’t stay where they’re supposed to:
- You raise your arms to style your hair and your underarms jiggle like batwings.
- You swing your legs out of bed in the morning and your thighs keep swinging.
- You shake your head “no” and your neck starts gobbling.
- You wake up on your back and wonder why there are pillows under your arms … they’re your boobs.
- You turn over in bed and you have to wait a nanosecond for your tummy to follow.
- You don’t dare jog because your gazongas could knock you out.
- You think you’re being followed but it’s only your ass slapping against the back of your legs.
And then you realize that your belly shakes “like a bowl full of jelly.” Merry Christmas.