Posts Tagged With: Christmas trees

Does It Look Like He Has a Christmas Tree Growing Out His Butt?

Does it look like a Christmas tree growing out his butt?

Does it look like a Christmas tree growing out his butt?

My daughter Heidi decided her family should cut down their own perfect Christmas tree. It would be a fun adventure and would show 4-year old Max where Christmas trees come from.  So the day after Thanksgiving we drove from Atlanta to Sleepy Hollow Farm in Powder Springs, GA to find the ideal tree.

It was a beautiful late autumn day, great weather to ramble around the farm searching for the perfect tree.  We were given a saw when we arrived at the farm and told we could cut down any tree with a price tag.  Max got a little spooked because from his (short) perspective it was a huge forest. I was documenting the entire enterprise for posterity and to share with family and friends on Facebook.  While the tree was being wrapped and tied to the car I posted my pix to FB.

Little boy lost in the woods?

Little boy lost in the woods?

The perfect tree!

The perfect tree!

Paul Bunyan and his assistant

Paul Bunyan and his assistant

 

We worked up an appetite so the kids took me to their favorite Mexican restaurant in Atlanta.  Little Max calls it the “Cheese Taco Man” since he only eats cheese quesadillas but calls them tacos. The sign out front of the “Bone Garden Cantina” explains Max’s name for the restaurant.

The Bone Garden Cantina

The Bone Garden Cantina (Cheese Taco Man)

butt3

Above the bar

My son-in-law, Chris, is a professional photographer so after ordering my first ever empanada for me, he pulled out his cell phone to check his messages. He looked at me with a grin and said, “Nice composition, Jodi, real nice.  It looks like I just farted a Christmas tree!”  He showed my FB post with the pix around the table. Heidi and Kurt coughed up their tortilla chips and even Max laughed because what  4-year old isn’t going to think “farting a Christmas tree” is funny? So everyone had a laugh at my expense and we had a wonderful meal at a great restaurant with terrific artwork. A real Day of the Dead ambiance.

butt2

Authentic Mexican food & Day of the Dead decor

Authentic Mexican food & Day of the Dead décor

Later we congratulated ourselves on providing another positive learning experience for Max.  Now he knows where Christmas trees come from.  Out of his dad’s butt!

I still think it’s a really nice picture.  Do you think it looks like Chris farted a Christmas tree?

 

Categories: Family, Food, Humor, Life, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Year I Crucified Our Christmas Tree

Christmas treeIt was the best of times … Christmastime with our four kids, my husband, the dog and cat and our own business.

It was the worst of times… Christmastime with our four kids, my husband, the dog & cat and our own business.

Our daughter was selling Christmas trees as a fund-raiser for her school so we bought a wildly expensive variety of tree I’ve never seen before – long, skinny needles and floppy limbs.  I was a little peeved because we couldn’t really afford the expensive tree and per normal, the kids were excited to decorate the tree until the lights were strung and the hot chocolate was gone.  Then I found myself alone hanging the ornaments on individual branches and cherishing the memories they evoked. It took me hours to display each gem in the most aesthetically pleasing way, then I had to clear up the boxes, tissue paper, dirty mugs and the rest of the mess and store everything away so I could reverse the process in about three weeks.

We ran our own business which means we pretty much worked 24/7. So I was tired and grumpy when I got up the next morning and found about half the ornaments on the ground with the cat looking sheepish.  This time it wasn’t really her fault but she has a guilty conscience and looks sheepish a lot. I realized that the ornaments were sliding off the long needles so with no helpful elves around (again), I wired each ornament securely to its limb then went shopping for gifts and groceries, I shipped packages, did laundry, cleaned the bathrooms – you know the drill if you’re a working mom, and I got home just in time to prepare dinner.

Attempting to de-stress with a glass of wine after experiencing all the Christmas throngs and good cheer at the mall, I was working at the stove when there was a thump, a crash of breaking glass, barking, meowing & nervous laughter from the living room.  You guessed it, the tree was on the ground amid broken ornaments and the kids were sidling toward the door where the dog and cat were vying with each other and the kids to exit the room.

I was calm. Mayhap it was the wine. Perchance I was on my second glass of wine.

I found the largest nail in my husband’s toolbox and his hammer.  I called the biggest kid in to hold the tree straight while I shoved it into the corner, grabbed the two largest branches in the back and nailed them to the wall.  I picked up the unbroken ornaments and forced them into my children’s hands and told them to do whatever they wanted with them. The youngest had the temerity to say, “Daddy’s not going to like that”.

I fed the kids, finished my wine and went to bed.

When I got up to make coffee the next morning, the tree was laying on the floor; the large nail having split the branches.  Fortunately, the tree was located near the sliding glass doors to the back yard.  I opened the doors, removed the star from the top of the tree so I could get a good grip and dragged that sorry-ass tree into the back yard.  I made my coffee, added a nice big splash of Kahlua and listened to soothing Christmas music until my family arose.

After my second cup of coffee I was smiling serenely when the kids looked outside and saw their Christmas tree glistening in the morning sun.  They didn’t say a word.

“Why is there a spike in the wall?” asked my husband.

Merry Christmas.

 

Categories: Family, Humor, Life, Uncategorized | Tags: , | Leave a comment

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