Daily Prompt

I’m Feeling a Little Schmaltzy Today

Posted on May 6, 2015 by queenbookworm

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “You, the Sandwich.” If a restaurant were to name something after you, what would it be? Describe it. (Bonus points if you give us a recipe!)

“Schmaltz” is Yiddish for fat. Schmaltz herring is caught right before spawning when the fat in the fish is at the maximum. Why does that resonate with me?

Named for me and listed on the menu under appetizers, “Schmaltzy Lady” is actually pickled herring or Jewish sushi. The fat little virgin herrings will be served with crackers and rounds of party rye bread. You can choose the straight pickled herring or the sour cream version. You will either love this appetizer or you will curse me. However, if you order it with a shot of schnapps (or two), you will probably enjoy these yummy, vinegary chunks of raw fish covered with onions and pickling spices.

Oh, you want the recipe?

Herring are found in the North Sea so first you grab your fishing pole and head to Norway …

INGREDIENTS

8 herring fillets
1 sliced onion
1/2 cup olive or sunflower oil, or more to cover the fish
3 allspice seeds
3 peppercorns
1 bay leaf
Options: white wine or wine vinegar or 1 cup of sour cream

PREPARATION

Soak herring in cold water overnight to remove the “fishy” flavor. Slice drained herring into bite-size pieces.
Place in a jar and cover with oil and spices. Close the jar. Refrigerate for 2 to 3 days before eating. This will keep refrigerated up to two weeks. Serve with finely chopped onion or onion slices, lemon and parsley or dill.

NOTE: Skip the trip to Norway and the prep time and pick up a jar of Vita’s pickled herring in wine sauce or sour cream, grab a box of crackers or a loaf of party rye & a bottle of schnapps and get pickled!

Categories: Daily Prompt, Food, Humor | Tags: herring, schmaltz, schmaltz herring | 1 Comment

“Outlaw Blended Families Now!” – Coming to a Bookstore Near You

Posted on May 5, 2015 by queenbookworm

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Coming To a Bookshelf Near You.” Write a summary of the book you’ve always wanted to write for the back cover of its dust jacket.

Why are these people smiling? Could it be Valium?

Critics are raving about the tell-all book, “Outlaw Blended Families Now!” written by wife, mother, step-mother, ex-wife, working woman and all round bitch, Ms L. The author reveals how a new marriage that involves combining families, although filled with romance, goodwill and the promise of a bright future, can be derailed in short order by children, step-children, ex-spouses, alimony, child support, attorney fees, two sets of parents (and grandparents) for each child, visitation schedules, lack of income, too little time and too many commitments.

Ms L. postulates that if two people truly love each other, they should “suck it up” and raise their own kids before moving into a beautiful, calm and loving marriage thereby avoiding years of anxiety trying to co-mingle funds, kids, school functions, food likes and dislikes, clothing/fashions, teenage dating, schoolwork, cars and driving, after school jobs, college applications and the disparities of how the other set of parents bribe the kids; i.e., if the step-child receives a new car for his 16th birthday from his mom & step-dad while your child gets a 1993 Chevette with 201,000 miles on it, there’s bound to be ill-will.

Ms L is lobbying for a law forbidding re-marriages if either partner has a child under the age of 18, making allowances for widows and widowers. She further claims that the stress and anxiety of raising a blended family causes extreme weight gain and ugliness.

Asked if she regrets her second marriage with the addition of two step-children, Ms L snorted, “I wouldn’t change it for the world!” Why the dichotomy between her advice book and her own life? “I’m an exceptionally strong willed woman and whenever I got overwhelmed I napped. Keeping a bottle of Scotch in the cabinet above the kitchen stove helped. Combined families are not for the faint hearted. Now you’ll have to excuse me. I’m late for my botox appointment and then I’m off to Weight Watchers”.

“A great read. I couldn’t have thought up a better horror story!”, Steven King.

“Terrific character development. L’s description of the ex-spouses was superb and her plan for exterminating them was right up my alley,” Dean Koontz

Categories: Daily Prompt, Family, Humor, Life | Tags: blended families, combined family, families, step children, step parents | Leave a comment

My World – Welcome To It

Posted on May 1, 2015 by queenbookworm

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Your Life, the Book.” From a famous writer or celebrity, to a WordPress.com blogger or someone close to you — who would you like to be your biographer?

The only person I can imagine writing my life story would be James Thurber. His quirky view of humanity, sardonic wit and bizarre characters could do justice to the twists and turns of my world. A cartoonist, author, journalist, playwright, and celebrated humorist Thurber was best known for his cartoons and short stories, published mainly in The New Yorker magazine and in his numerous books.

Who could forget Walter Mitty and his phantasmagorical daydreams?

That’s my life and welcome to it.

Categories: Daily Prompt, Humor, Life, Writing 101 | Tags: cartoonist, humorist, James Thurber, My World Welcome To It, Walter Mitty | 2 Comments

“V” is for What, Why, When and Where

Posted on April 30, 2015 by queenbookworm

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Fearful Symmetry.” Pick a letter, any letter. Now, write a story, poem, or post in which every line starts with that letter.

Vot are you doing?

Vy are you doing it?

Ven will you be done doing it?

Vere are you doing it?

Vy am I writing with an eastern European accent?

Ve were told to start every sentence with the same letter and I chose “V”; because this is

Very ridiculous!

Categories: Daily Prompt, Family, Humor, Writing 101 | Tags: eastern european, V | Leave a comment

Wanton Woman Full Moon Mania

Posted on April 29, 2015 by queenbookworm

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “The Full Moon.” When the full moon happens, you turn into a person who’s the opposite of who you normally are. Describe this new you.

I have trouble sleeping during a full moon. I arise, I wander. I turn on my husband’s music – loud, insistent drumming with bizarre electronic melodies. I dance in the moonlight, shedding clothes and swimming naked while the pool’s shadows coalesce into fearsome underwater shapes. My body moves in unfamiliar supple arches and stretches. I eat chocolate and drink wine until my head spins and then I turn on all the lights hoping that someone else will awaken. I wander from room to room, restless. I sing and talk and read. Then I prowl the neighborhood sure that the lunar light will guide me home.

And when I’m finally exhausted, I sleep and dream of moonlight.

Categories: Daily Prompt, Life | Tags: full moon, lunacy, moonlight | Leave a comment

Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child

Posted on April 14, 2015 by queenbookworm

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Mad as a Hatter.” Tell us about a time when you flew into a rage. What is it that made you so incredibly angry?

There is absolutely nothing more infuriating than a 16-year old son. I have no idea what finally flipped me over the edge. I remember yelling, “That’s it, you’re dead!” and taking off after him through the dining room, across the living room, and finally backing him into a corner in the laundry room. He was laughing while I was furious.

I advanced slapping any portion of his unprotected anatomy I could reach. He was about six inches taller than I.

“You will not talk back to me.” (slap on his shoulder)

“You will not make fun of me.” (slap on his chest)

“You will not laugh at me.” (slap on his other shoulder)

“You will show me respect.” (slap on his hip)

“You will pay attention when I’m talking to you” (slap on his stomach)

“You will speak to me in a civil tone.” (push with both hands on his chest)

That last one got him. He grabbed my wrists and collapsed against the wall laughing. “A civil tone? A civil tone? You’ve been reading historical novels, haven’t you?”

What’s a mother to do? I began laughing so he apologized, we kissed and made up.

But that tirade twenty years ago did the trick. He phones me almost every day to ask, in a civil tone, what I’m doing and if I’m OK. And, we always find something to laugh about.

Someone raised him right.

Categories: Daily Prompt, Family, Humor, Life | Tags: sons, the mad hatter | 4 Comments

A Rare and Perfect Day of Honor and Reflection

Posted on April 11, 2015 by queenbookworm

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “All It’s Cracked Up to Be.” Tell us about a time when everything actually turned out exactly as you’d hoped.

I was slightly anxious to be driving alone through a strange city,hauling my tiny camper, watching for road signs and listening to Siri’s annoying GPS voice directing me to the Chickamauga Battlefield. Anxious because the previous day I got stuck on the top of Lookout Mountain and was rescued by angels – but I’ve already told that story.

The morning was perfect; no clouds, in the low 70’s, sunny and bright. I drove through Chattanooga without mishap arriving safely at the Chickamauga Battlefield and Chattanooga National Military Park. I pulled into a perfect parking space for the camper (meaning I didn’t have to back out) and had wonderful ingress and egress to parking throughout my tour.

I entered the museum as the award winning film depicting the battles on Lookout Mountain and Missionary Ridge began. “The Campaign for Chattanooga: Death Knell of the Confederacy” is a haunting film of the men from rural farms and small towns who fought and died at the Battle of Chickamauga. Their dashed hopes and broken dreams as the Civil War raged is profoundly sad and thought provoking.

General Rosecrans commanded the Union Army of the Cumberland and General Bragg commanded the Confederate Army of Tennessee

I was given a map to the Chickamauga Battlefield that features a 7 mile self-guided auto tour, monuments, historical tablets, hiking trails and horse trails. As I drove from site to site I was struck by the number of people touring the battlefield; young people on motorcycles, retirees, the aged with walkers, and families with children. I was touched by the beauty of the site and the interest and respect shown by the visitors.

The battlegrounds and roads have been maintained in their original state even to the placement of the cannon and surviving structures. Only brush removal is allowed. As I enjoyed the perfect weather and the beautifully maintained historic park, I reflected on how time can erase the physical scars to the landscape but we must maintain the memory of the battles. It is easy to forget that the Revolutionary War forming the United States had been fought only 87 years before.

A short 152 years ago, over a two day period in September 1863, this beautiful park saw 16,000 Union and 18,000 Confederate casualties, making Chickamauga the second bloodiest battle of the war after Gettysburg. That’s 34,000 soldiers wounded or killed in two days. Keep in mind that these battles were fought face-to-face, hand-to-hand with soldiers seeing and sometimes recognizing the faces of their adversaries.

I am grateful for the hours I spent honoring all the Civil War heroes who fought in this corner of Tennessee. The day was everything I hoped for.

Categories: Daily Prompt, Life, Retirement, Travel | Tags: battlegrounds, Chattanooga National Military Park, Chickamauga, Civil War, Lookout Mountain, Missionary Ridge | 4 Comments

It Really Hurt When He Bit My Finger Off

Posted on April 10, 2015 by queenbookworm

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “The Interview.” Interview your favorite fictional character.

Q: Welcome home, Frodo, you’ve had quite an adventure. How does it feel to be safely back in the Shire?

A: Hold on a sec while I take a hydrocodone for my finger and I’ll be right with you. Yeah, it’s great to be back but I really need a vacation. Overcoming Lord Sauron and saving the world really drained me. Sam and I are thinking of taking a long weekend somewhere warm and sunny. We’re checking with Legolos and Gimli to see when they’re free; maybe in the spring after Boromir’s and Aragorn’s weddings.

Q: You met all sorts of monsters and overcame some pretty insurmountable odds. What was the most frightening thing you encountered?

A: Well, the Orcs were ferocious and smelled something awful, but I think the scariest experience was getting to the Cracks of Doom then being trapped on the top of the mountain surrounded by lava and knowing we were going die. Poor Samwise. What a mess I got us into. Smeagol was no walk in the park, either. And, the slimey little bastard bit off my finger!

Q: How do you explain a small Hobbit overthrowing the Dark Lord and bringing down Mordor?

A: It helps to have a wizard on your team. He kept appearing and disappearing, but I knew that Gandalph had my back. Legolas the elf was a crack shot with his bow and Gimli the dwarf was unbeatable with his ax. And, of course Aragorn is an all-round fantastic warrior. Merry and Pippin were pretty useless except for organizing the Ents. And the eagles always seemed to show up in the nick of time.

Q: Any good experiences?

A: Sure. Rivendell was beautiful and the elves were entertaining. I got to see Bilbo again even though he and everyone else kept bitching about the Ring, the Ring, the Ring … jeez, give it a rest already!

Q: So, how do you feel about losing the ring?

A: That idiot Smeagol bit off the finger with my senior class ring … here’s the One Ring that Binds Them All. What? What’s the matter?

Q: But, didn’t the One Ring fall into the molten lava when Smeagol went over the cliff?

A: Don’t be a moron. That only happens in the movies.

Categories: Daily Prompt, Humor | Tags: aragorn, Frodo, Gandalf, gimli, legolas, Smeagol | 3 Comments

Lord, Give Me Patience … And a Lock for My Toolbox

Posted on April 9, 2015 by queenbookworm

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “If I Had a Hammer.” If you could learn a trade — say carpentry, electrical work, roofing, landscaping, plumbing, flooring, drywall — you name it — what skill(s) would you love to have in your back pocket?

I have a hammer – and a screwdriver and a once full and complete toolbox. Over time my tools disappear as my husband “borrows” them and I later find a rusted pair of pliers out by the pool pump, or my phillip’s head screwdriver driven into a plank down on the dock. Let’s not talk about my power tools. I can seldom find the matching battery charger for the tool I want to use. I haven’t seen my beautiful Dremel in years. I found my vise grips serving as the hose bib.

So, the only thing I want in my back pocket is a lock for my toolbox and lots and lots of patience.

Maybe you thought I was kidding?

Categories: Daily Prompt, Family, Humor, Life | Tags: patience, toolbox, tools, writing 101, writing101 | 5 Comments

Motley Fools

Posted on April 1, 2015 by queenbookworm

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Fool Me Once.” It’s April 1st! Pull a fast one — publish a post that gently pranks your readers.

I can’t pull off practical jokes very well. My sense of humor tends to be of the slapstick variety that does not lend itself to gentle April Fool’s Day pranks. I mean these pranks are supposed to be harmless not painful, right?

Historically, various cultures had days of foolishness around the start of April. The Romans had a festival named Hilaria on March 25, the Hindu calendar has Holi, and the Jewish calendar has Purim. It must have something to do with the joyous relief of winter turning to spring that lends itself to lighthearted celebrations.

In the Western world, April Fool’s Day may include sending someone on a “fools errand”, looking for things that don’t exist or playing pranks and trying to get people to believe ridiculous things. The image of a court jester or a motley fool popped into my mind.

A motley fool was a professional clown employed to entertain a king or nobleman in the Middle Ages. The fool would entertain with his ridiculous behavior. Motley is the multi-colored costume worn by the jester decorated with bells and baubles and Motley Fool is the name of my investment company. So, while thinking about motley fools, I checked my portfolio. No jest.

I’m not laughing.