Family

Stumbling, Bumbling & Feeding the Cat

Daily Prompt – Just Another Day:  Our days our organized around numerous small actions we repeat over and over. What’s your favorite daily ritual?

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Dusty is a 20-year old calico cat.  She’s mean, obnoxious and her meowing sounds like the screams of an old lady in pain.  I’m scared to death of her.  She’s blind, can’t hear very well and is crippled with arthritis.  She loves me.  I can only feed her small amounts at a time or she vomits.  When I hear those retching sounds I run to carry her outside but seldom make it in time.  Then it’s my turn to retch.

Dusty and I have a morning ritual that I have come to enjoy.  She wakes me with an old lady scream between 4:30 – 5:30 a.m.  I stumble into the kitchen and prepare her plate of food that I set out on the lanai where her litter box is kept.  This accomplishes three things – she eats, she poops and I can check the weather.

I then bumble around making coffee and cleaning up the kitchen until she comes back inside and limps down the hallway to stand next to my bed.  I arrange her quilt on top of my bedding and gingerly (she is not de-clawed and I have the scars to prove it) pick her up by the scruff of her neck and place her on her very own hand-made quilt.  Until a few months ago I have never allowed an animal in my bed.  (Well … I mean … you know).  She settles down for a little nap because she’s only had 14 hours of sleep.

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I plump up my pillows, carefully crawl in bed next to Dusty with my coffee, my iPhone and my computer and we settle down for an hour or so of pleasant social media mindlessness.  But, God forbid I move. There’s that old lady scream again — mine.

Categories: Daily Prompt, Family, Life, Retirement, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , | 2 Comments

Where Do I Find the Time to Blog?

DAILY POST:  Life After Blogs ...Your life without a computer: what does it look like?

Without a computer I would have even more time for/to:

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Family

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Read

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Pay bills

 

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Chill in the pool

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Visit our cottage in the northern woods

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Quilt on my longarm machine

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Explore

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Cook

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Sew

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Travel

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Eat

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Kayak

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Hike

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Explore

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Encourage my grandchildren to be silly

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Participate in raising funds for breast cancer research

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Categories: Aging Gracefully, Daily Prompt, Family, Humor, Kayaking, Life, Retirement, Travel, Uncategorized | Tags: | 2 Comments

When Life Gives You Lemons Throw Them at an Alligator

Daily Post:  Not Lemonade – When life gives you lemons… make something else. Tell us about a time you used an object or resolved a tricky situation in an unorthodox way.

 

If you’re going to throw life’s lemons at an alligator it helps if you live in southwest Florida and have citrus trees in your backyard overlooking a canal or other body of water.

 

Life has recently handed me a bushel of lemons and I have been feeling angry, hurt, frustrated and all those other awful negatives.  I was in my backyard miserably picking up the fallen lemons and oranges that were beginning to rot on the lawn.  In a fit of pique, I threw a lemon at the trunk of a large pine tree on the bank of the canal.  It felt so good when it splatted that I hurled several more that either satisfactorily splattered or missed completely and splashed in the canal.

 

When one particularly hefty lemon hit the water, I heard screams of delight from my granddaughter who was down on the dock feeding bread to the turtles and ducks. “Grammy, that lemon almost hit the head of the alligator!”  Alligator?  Holy crap!  I ran down to the dock and found a 3-foot baby alligator in among the turtles probably wondering why everyone else in the water was getting so excited about the frozen, stale hotdog buns and garlic bread Rebekah was throwing to them.

 

After showing her how to make spitbablls from the bread, I took my granddaughter back up the bank and gave her a pile of lemons to try to throw at the trunks of the trees.  Then we tried throwing them into the water between the trees.  While pitching the fruit I explained one of  life’s lessons —  that sometimes when you’re really angry or frustrated and want to throw things, it’s best to throw things that won’t break or hurt anyone else.  Things that splat or splash are good,  especially if you’re cleaning up the backyard at the same time.

 

“Can I throw some lemons at the alligator?”  Knowing that it was highly unlikely that she would hit it and suddenly feeling much better and happier, we gathered a bunch of half-rotten lemons and went back down to the dock.  Sure enough, there was the baby alligator about 10 feet from the dock just floating and minding its own business.  Bekah let fly and the splash startled the alligator.  With a look of contempt, it headed to the opposite shore.  We laughed and threw the rest of the fruit at floating leaves and twigs.

 

Rebekah asked me where the mama alligator lived.  Oh yeah.  Beating a hasty retreat up the bank I figured we’d wait for life to hand me coconuts before tackling mama alligator.

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Categories: Aging Gracefully, Daily Prompt, Family, Humor, Life, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , | 2 Comments

Locked in a Room With Nothing

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “1984.” You’re locked in a room with your greatest fear. Describe what’s in the room.

No light.  Darkness so complete that you can’t see even a glimmer of yourself.  You can’t even find the walls to crouch in a corner.  But, you can hear breathing in the room and it seems to be coming from every direction moving closer.  You keep blinking hoping that you will see something, anything.  And then something brushes against your arm.

Gotcha!  Your sphincter muscles and bladder release and the lights go on.

Surprise!  Happy Birthday.Surprise-Party-2

Categories: Daily Prompt, Family, Humor | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

I’d Rather Face a Snake than Step on a Worm

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Fright Night.”What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?

I once stepped on a worm in my bare feet.  It squished and I yelled and shivered and shook and jumped around on one foot afraid to look at the bottom of my foot or the sidewalk.  I’ve gone back indoors rather than step on worms in my path after a rain brings them creeping, crawling, slithering out of the ground.  I gagged when I was a kid and found out that people put a fishhook through their slimey little bodies and didn’t wrap them around the hook like in the cartoons. No, even as a child I wasn’t quite stupid enough to believe that the worms did the shimmy on the hook to attract the fish.

Can you imagine my horror when I discovered worm farms?  Or, when I saw a picture of a ball of worms mating?  Just typing that made my skin crawl. I almost gave up gardening when I dug a hole to plant a flower and saw a half of a worm wiggling on my spade.

So, what would it take to make me walk down a sidewalk covered with worms?  Well, my children would have to be in mortal danger with the worm walk demanded as their ransom.  I would have to be wearing a pair of Doc Marten boots with my eyes covered being led by the arms down the sidewalk.  I’d probably also need an iPod playing at top volume to distract me and avoid any squishy noises.  I would need to go through a decontamination chamber with someone removing and disposing of my boots before removing my blindfold.

And if my demands for the worm walk were not met?

Sorry, kids.

p.s.  I couldn’t insert any images … I just couldn’t.

 

Categories: Daily Prompt, Family, Humor, Life, Uncategorized | Tags: , | 3 Comments

Of Course I Love My Family But …

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Pride and Joy.” What’s your most prized possession?

Of course my family and their love is my most prized possession – that goes without saying.  But if you want to know my most prized material possession, it’s my Casita travel trailer.  It was my retirement gift to me, from me, with love. I am eager for every camping adventure, especially when I go solo.

My 17-foot Casita Freedom

                                                              My 17-foot Casita Freedom

On Long Key, near Key West, Florida (Paradise)

                                                On Long Key, near Key West, Florida (paradise!)

I always wanted to be a cowgirl so that's how I decorated my Casita

I always wanted to be a cowgirl so that’s how I decorated my Casita

Bathroom behind door #1, closet behind door #2

Bathroom behind door #1, closet behind door #2

Dining table drops down, cushions flatten to form a queen size bed

Dining table drops down, cushions flatten to form a queen size bed

Inside dining for two - granddaughter & Grampy

Inside dining for two – granddaughter & Gramps

Just big enough on a rainy day to stay inside & watch movies

Just big enough on a rainy day to stay inside & watch movies

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Getting ready for take-off

I took my sister with me to Anastasia State Park, St. Augustine, FL for a girls' weekend

I took my sister with me to Anastasia State Park, St. Augustine, FL for a girls’ weekend

Girly repairs with pink duct tape

Girly repairs with pink duct tape

My happy place

    My happy place

Good night

                          Good night

Categories: Aging Gracefully, Camping, Daily Prompt, Family, Life, Retirement, Travel | Tags: , , , , | 5 Comments

The Lone Ranger and Me on Route 66

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Out of Your Reach.” Was there a toy or thing you always wanted as a child, during the holidays or on your birthday, but never received? Tell us about it.

I wanted to be a boy. Only women over the age of 55 will understand that I wanted to dress comfortably in pants instead of dresses.  I wanted to wrestle and get dirty; push and fight and yell.  I wanted to get angry and show it. I wanted to go places and do things that “good girls” weren’t allowed. 1951girlsclothes I wanted to stay out late and not be practically water-boarded for an explanation.  I wanted to whistle and spit and cuss.  I wanted to slouch.  I wanted to play contact sports and take shop class. I wanted a motorcycle and to join the Navy.  I wanted to be a cowboy and ride with the Lone Ranger. I didn’t want to develop a woman’s lonerangerbody and have disgusting things happen to me monthly. I wanted to be a sexual person.  I wanted a leather bomber jacket and I wanted to wear high-top sneakers and jeans. I wanted to cut my hair.  I wanted to choose my own career.  I wanted to wait until I was old to get married.  I wanted to travel in a convertible (remember Route 66?). But, I wanted to be beautiful and thin, too. All these were beyond my grasp as a child.

What I really wanted was freedom.  I grew up and worked hard to make certain that my daughters could do and be all the things that were out of my reach as a child in the 1950s.  And they are.
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Categories: Aging Gracefully, Daily Prompt, Family, Life | Tags: , , , , , | 3 Comments

The Patron Saint of Chaos

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “A True Saint.”  In 300 years, if you were to be named the patron saint of X, what would you like X to be? Places, activities, objects — all are fair game.

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St. Jodi was canonized on the 300th anniversay of her first miracle.  The miracle occurred on the day her husband left a trail of breadcrumbs to lead a wild Muscovy duck through the back sliding glass door of her home, marching through the dining and family rooms leaving a trail of guano (the duck, not her husband) and followed by three pre-teens shrieking in delight. The miracle occurred when St. Jodi was able to avoid having a stroke or murdering the duck, her husband and the hysterical children.

The second miracle took place on an overlook in the Blue Ridge Mountains when St. Jodi pulled the car she was driving onto an overlook and avoided hurling her son and husband from the peak.  They had been telling jokes about yaks and making fun of her driving for 100 miles. At the moment that she lost control and contemplated murder she had a vision … a cold, frosty martini served by a repentent and adoring husband.  A miraculous amount of self control and prayer enabled her  to deliver her family safely to their destination.  yak

Many miracles performed by St. Jodi have been reported by family and friends but could not be substantiated since friends and family members were reluctant to provide their real names.  Reports of miracles signed by Popeye, Betty Boop and Captain America were not accepted by church officials although the stories told were about a woman of miraculous self-control, love and good humor.

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Officials were able to substantiate the first two miraculous episodes through submission of video proof.  Experienced audio technicians were used to eliminate the screaming and laughter on the video.

St. Jodi is honored during the week after Labor Day when children typically return to school.  To request blessings from her, place a bottle of Chivas or a nice Cabernet on her doorstep.  Go in peace.

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Categories: Daily Prompt, Family, Humor, Life, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , | 1 Comment

Laugh a Little. Pee a Little.

My kids gave me this card for my birthday thereby acknowledging the genetic laughing disorder suffered by the females in our family as described in my previous post, “The Princess and the Pee”.

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Categories: Family, Humor, Life, Retirement | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

My Six-Year Old Granddaughter Needs Dentures

When my granddaughter lost the last of her front teeth I sprang into action

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and bought her a set of dentures

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Categories: Family, Humor, Life | Tags: | 2 Comments

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