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Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
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If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then go out and find the person whose life gave them vodka.
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We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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Having a baby can be a scream.
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If your children write their names in the dust on your furniture, don’t let them put the year.
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The most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him