Posts Tagged With: blogging 101

My Favorite Profundities

Daily Post:  “Profound”

 

  • Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.

  • If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.  Then go out and find the person whose life gave them vodka.

  • We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

  • Having a baby can be a scream.

  • If your children write their names in the dust on your furniture, don’t let them put the year.

  • The most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.

  • If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him

  • If two people want to get married, get married! As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want.

  • Never floss with a stranger.

  • If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.

Quotes from Phyllis Diller and Joan Rivers; my favorite philosophers.
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 rivers

 

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Categories: Daily Post, Humor, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Sisters Camping Trip … Get Ready!

My sister has never been camping.  She’s somewhat of a princess.  Just kidding … she IS a princess.  She puts on makeup and fixes her hair to take the garbage out.  Just kidding … she NEVER takes the garbage out.  That’s what husbands are for.

She’s beautiful, I’m a tomboy.  She has an outfit for every occasion; I borrow her clothes.  She enjoys shopping, I borrow her clothes.  She has beautiful jewelry to match every outfit; I borrow her jewelry to match my borrowed clothes.  She is a fantastic cook and hostess and loves to entertain; I love to attend her parties.  She vacations at beautiful condos and cute cabins in the mountains; I go camping with my travel trailer and get stuck on the top of mountains.  She is funny and effervescent; I am, ummm – droll?

10492002_10202337261581396_4174609948372119634_nWe are opposites in so many ways but adore each other and have fun adventures (although we did almost kill each other in Costa Rica a few years ago).  She’s an “un-packer”; I’m a “throw your suitcase on the bed and let’s go” traveler.  We had great adventures on our road trip last October but this camping trip could be a game changer.  Setting up a campsite can be hard physical work, not to mention having to back the camper into the site.  I told her I absolutely forbid flip-flops with wedge heels at the campsite.  I don’t care if she did just get a pedicure and a new toe ring.  I warned her that camping means a minimum amount of outfit changes, little or no makeup and flat shoes or sneakers.  She thinks I’m bossy.

I explained to her that the most important thing when camping is to pack light and consolidate your belongings.  So, we agreed that to save space we will forego her bottles of rum and coke and my bottles of red wine.  We figure one large bottle of vodka, a couple of bottles of diet tonic water and a half dozen fresh limes should do it.  See how nicely we play together when we compromise?

Tomorrow I’m loading up my Casita and Saturday will drive 150 miles to Orlando to pick up the Princess, then we’ll leave for three days of camping on a beach on the east coast of Florida.

Pray for us.

 

 

Categories: Camping, Family, Humor, Travel, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , | 1 Comment

I’m the Champ! I Can Spell I-N-D-I-A-N

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Teacher’s Pet.”

I don’t know if I’m compulsive or obsessive about reading.  If I don’t have a book or my Kindle with me  I don’t know what to do with my eyes so I will read whatever is at hand — medicine bottles, junk mail, anatomy posters in the doctor’s office, eye charts, candy wrappers, receipts and grocery lists from the bottom of my purse, the outside covers of books other people are reading,  and even toilet paper wrappers (don’t ask).

I loved words from the time I was 3 or 4 years old.  I knew that the letters on the page were sounds and that the sounds made words and the words made stories.  I “read” my books by looking at the pictures then looking at each individual word and, although I didn’t know what the word said, when I got to the last word I knew it was time to turn the page.  I never had anyone read to me so I read to myself and to my sister.

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We were innocent in the mid-1950’s. We went to kindergarten to learn to interact socially, to take directions from teachers and to be comfortable in a classroom environment.  There was no such thing as pre-school. We didn’t learn our ABCs, numbers or anything else.  Unlike today when it seems that my grandchildren must know how to parse a sentence, conjugate verbs, speak a second language, read a Dostoevsky novel, play a musical instrument and know basic geometry before they graduate from kindergarten.  We were truly blessed to be allowed to be children.  But, I still couldn’t read.

First grade taught me the alphabet and phonics.  Oh joy!  I learned how to sound out words with the Dick and Jane series of books.  Second grade we were allowed to use the school library and take books home.

But, third grade was the best year ever.  I was in a new school and Mrs. Bailey let us read whatever we wanted after lunch and we had spelling bees every day!  I soon discovered that most of the other kids didn’t know how to sound out words and I was quickly recognized as the best speller in the class.  By winning the classroom spelling bee I got to represent Mrs. Bailey’s class in the school’s third grade spelling bee.

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The competition was held in the library and I seem to remember there were 6 or 8 of us in the spelling bee. I was so proud and scared.  I had no problem with words like music, yellow, happy, kitten, kitchen, orange but then I found myself one of the two finalists.  The word was “Indian”.  I didn’t know whether to wet my pants or cry.  I cried.  This was the longest word in the spelling bee; three syllables.  Not fair!

The other kid couldn’t spell it.  The librarian asked me why I was crying so I told her that the word was too long.  By then my nose was running and I had the “snubbies”; you know, when you cry so hard your breath hitches?  God bless Mrs. Bailey.  She handed me a tissue and whispered, “Jodi, just sound it out.”  I did and I spelled the longest word in my world.

That’s also the year Mrs. Bailey taught us how to write in cursive, my second favorite thing next to reading.

Categories: Humor, Life, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

No More S’mores! (a 5-year old’s first camping adventure)

Roasting marshmallows over a campfire, then placing the blackened goo on a piece of chocolate between two graham crackers; the hot marshmallow melting the chocolate … the iconic image of camping with kids.  We couldn’t wait to make them with Rebekah, our 5-year old granddaughter on her first ever overnight camping trip.  She assured us she loves s’mores … well, except for the marshmallows … maybe hold the graham crackers …. o.k. …  just give her the damn chocolate!

We camped at Koreshan Historic Site State Park in Estero, Florida between Fort Myers and Naples on Florida’s west coast.

Categories: Camping, Family, Life, Retirement, Travel, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Boring Breakfast Meetings and A Famous Indian

As a department manager I was required to attend the monthly managers’ breakfast meetings with the Director and the other three managers.  The Director was a pompous, bombastic, argumentative, resentful misogynist who delighted in excluding me whenever he could from  the managers’ all boys club.  I had been promoted by his predecessor and since I had outstanding evaluations, there was nothing he could do about me.

These breakfasts were such an incredible waste of my time 1) because the “guys” all tried to outdo each other in caloric intake, ordering huge greasy, disgusting breakfast specials while I ate an egg and fruit and drank endless cups of coffee prompting comments about my figure vs theirs; 2) because we very seldom discussed organization business but I had to listen ad nauseum to their military and sports stories; and, breakfasts3) as a woman, they expected me to keep notes which I refused to do.  Insulting, demeaning, antagonistic behaviors …  I spent each  breakfast meeting on edge, deflecting every insult with a pithy comeback or a witty comment while trying to avoid bloodshed.  I would gladly have ripped the director’s head off and bludgeoned the other two with it.  Most of the females working in the organization would have testified that it was justifiable homicide.

 

During one of these (endless) meetings, the “boys” were discussing famous Marines and one of them said, “What about Ira whats-his-name?”  I said, “Do you mean Ira Hayes?”  Four pairs of astonished eyes swiveled to me and the original questioner said, “Bet you guys don’t know what he did.”  “Sure,” I said. “He was the Native American Marine who helped raise the flag over Iwo Jima; was honored as one of the five heroes and eventually died in a gutter from alcohol poisoning.”  I could actually see their mouths drop open …

Thank you Johnny Cash for recording “The Ballad of Ira Hayes”.  I’ll learn my lessons wherever I find them.

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“The Ballad Of Ira Hayes”

Ira Hayes,
Ira Hayes
Gather round me people there’s a story I would tell
About a brave young Indian you should remember well
From the land of the Pima Indian
A proud and noble band
Who farmed the Phoenix valley in Arizona land
Down the ditches for a thousand years
The water grew Ira’s peoples’ crops
‘Till the white man stole the water rights
And the sparklin’ water stopped
Now Ira’s folks were hungry
And their land grew crops of weeds
When war came, Ira volunteered
And forgot the white man’s greed
There they battled up Iwo Jima’s hill,
Two hundred and fifty men
But only twenty-seven lived to walk back down again
And when the fight was over
And when Old Glory raised
Among the men who held it high
Was the Indian, Ira HayesIra returned a hero
Celebrated through the land
He was wined and speeched and honored;
Everybody shook his handBut he was just a Pima Indian
No water, no crops, no chance
At home nobody cared what Ira’d done
And when did the Indians danceThen Ira started drinkin’ hard;
Jail was often his home
They’d let him raise the flag and lower it
like you’d throw a dog a bone!

He died drunk one mornin’
Alone in the land he fought to save
Two inches of water in a lonely ditch
Was a grave for Ira Hayes

[CHORUS:]
Call him drunken Ira Hayes
He won’t answer anymore
Not the whiskey drinkin’ Indian
Nor the Marine that went to war

Yeah, call him drunken Ira Hayes
But his land is just as dry
And his ghost is lyin’ thirsty
In the ditch where Ira died

 

 

Categories: Life, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Bird Song and Carillon Bells on Easter Morning

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Re-springing Your Step.”

I  hooked up my Casita travel trailer when I got sick of the cold and snow at my vacation cottage in Michigan last April and waved goodbye to my husband.  I hit the road without any thought other than heading south and getting warm.

Although I spent some time berating myself for being pig-headed, stubborn and maybe a little selfish and careless, I didn’t beat myself up for too long because travel energizes me and makes me happy.  I was feeling mighty fine until I got to northern Florida and realized I was too tired to safely drive any further and I was still four hours away from my home, my children and granddaughter.

I had to camp by myself for the first time ever and it was Easter Eve.  I found a camp site  at the Stephen Foster Memorial State Park and prepared myself for a drizzly kind of  night alone.  Since I’d been flying by the seat of my pants and hadn’t stocked the camper, I dined on bagged popcorn and a bottle of Cabernet.   I was feeling a little sorry for myself, but had a good night’s sleep … the Cabernet, you think?

I woke at daybreak to the sound of bells.  When I stepped outside I found the drizzle had become a light mist blurring  the towering pines and oaks that dwarfed me.  The Spanish moss hung from the trees like an old woman’s prayer shawl and the bells became music welcoming Easter morning.  I made a quick  cup of coffee and sat enchanted on the wet picnic table bench.

Stephen Foster State Park, Carillon Tower

Stephen Foster State Park, Carillon Tower

The carillon tower was playing hymns and Stephen Foster’s  famous melodies.  As the day brightened and the mist dissolved, the birds joined the carillon and I felt as if I was sitting in a cathedral and the choir was singing just for me.  I thought my heart would break with the beauty. I felt alive and energized, healthy in body and spirit. So, I said a prayer of gratitude and thanksgiving and sent silent wishes to my loved ones for a wonderful, meaningful Easter day.

Way Down Upon the Suwannee River

Way Down Upon the Suwannee River

A carillon is a musical instrument consisting of at least 23 cast bronze bells that are precisely tuned and arranged in chromatic progression so that music in any key can be played. Unlike other types of bells, carillon bells are fixed in a frame—the bells do not move.

Categories: Camping, Family, Life, Travel, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , | 7 Comments

I’m Supposed To Be Retired So Why Am I So Busy?

Once again I am running behind on my Blogging 101 assignments.  I spent three hours catching up yesterday and can’t figure out how I’m behind already.

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Got up this morning and made the coffee

Fed the cat

Fed the cat

Went for a 2-mile walk along the Peace River

Went for a 2-mile walk along the Peace River

Had coffee with my husband

Had coffee with my husband

Husband & I planned the rest of our day

Reviewed schedules & to-do lists with husband

Made breakfast & cleaned the kitchen

Made breakfast & cleaned the kitchen

Got my hair cut

Got my hair cut

Paid the bills

Paid the bills

Worked on customer quilts on my long arm machine

Completed a customer’s quilt on my long arm machine

Cocktail hour(s)

Cocktail hour(s)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No pix of my visit to the doctor, preparing dinner and cleaning the kitchen (again), phone calls with quilting customers, kids & other business.  But I did spend time on Blogging 101, making comments and I worked on my header photos, got my Blogging 101 badge correctly posted and other odds & ends.  Oh, I also watched a couple of past episodes of “Game of Thrones”.

As  Lewis Carroll said, “The hurrier I go, the behinder I get.” Geez, I know how that poor White Rabbit felt!

rabbit

Categories: Humor, Life, Retirement, Uncategorized | Tags: , | 5 Comments

Welcome to My Neighborhood

Blogging University 101, Assignment 8:  Get out your calling cards, and leave comments on at least four blogs that you’ve never commented on before.

standing on head2Well, how easy is this assignment?  I could do it all day standing on my head.  There are hundreds of interesting blogs by people I would love to invite over for cocktails and a chat.  Unfortunately, I have a gazillion things on my agenda today so I was a good girl and limited myself to only four new comments as prescribed by the assignment.

I read a charming post by Ace who seems to be gentleman describing how to treat a lady.  How’s that for unusual in this modern world?  The daily writing and photography of Marilyn Armstrong (Serendipity – Searching for Intelligent Life on Earth)  is always delightful and thought provoking.  Today’s blog was about struggling with the realities of retirement. Stuff My Dog Taught Me (and stuff I’m figuring out on my own),  is always good for a smile with a humorous twist on real life situations. Then there’s The Creek, a slightly off kilter, quirky look at life while living on a creek with a couple of dogs. OK, OK – one more.  For quilters, there’s Tim Latimer’s blog just in case you want to feel totally inadequate, I mean totally motivated.

There appears to be something for everyone and WordPress Reader makes it so easy to stay in touch. I always enjoy meeting new people … make a comment so we can get to know each other, neighbor.

Categories: Humor, Life, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , | 4 Comments

Dream Girls Over 60 Unite … Read My Blog!

Blogging 101, assignment 4, Your Dream Reader

I hope my blogs will reach mid-century girls – women over the age of 60 who may be wondering about the next phase of their lives.  Perhaps they’ve worked all their lives and it’s time for them to retire or maybe they’ve been stay-at-home moms and it’s time for their husbands to retire.  Regardless, they are beginning a new lifestyle and it can be intimidating not only from a financial and health perspective but also considering spending 24/7 with spouses or significant others.  It can be a trial, a challenge, or tremendously funny.

old-ladies

There are other issues such as wrinkles (face & thigh, butt & neck), weight gain, hormones, hair loss, fashion challenges, health & medical issues for both spouses, and any number of other exciting things to look forward to.  There’s a myriad of things to be unhappy or worry about but, as we all know, with age comes wisdom and, more importantly, freedom!

Freedom to go commando, to not wear makeup, to pull your hair back into a ponytail or not color it for months.  Freedom to jump in your car, stop at an ATM & withdraw as much cash as you can and hit the road until the money runs out. Freedom to let someone else worry about paying the bills (especially since you’ve withdrawn all the money), solve the kids’ and grandkids’ problems, cook the meals, do the grocery shopping, do the laundry. Freedom to take the time to get in shape, eat right, be as glamorous or as “natural” as you want.

So, I would like to reach my 60+ age friends out there and help them see the bright side, the adventures, the challenges, the humor that awaits them as they travel through the highways & byways of the rest of their lives.

Girls, remember, worrying will make you ugly!  We’ve waited all our lives to have fun, so let’s do it!

nora desmondhelen

Either way, it’s all good!

 

 

60 woman

Categories: Humor, Life, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , | 3 Comments

New Topics, New Blogs I’m Following

Assignment #3 encouraged us to learn how to find new topics in the Reader and to follow five new blogs.  After countless hours looking at hundreds of wonderful blogs, I narrowed todays choices down to these five. It was hard.

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