Posts Tagged With: family

My Favorite Profundities

Daily Post:  “Profound”

 

  • Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.

  • If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.  Then go out and find the person whose life gave them vodka.

  • We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

  • Having a baby can be a scream.

  • If your children write their names in the dust on your furniture, don’t let them put the year.

  • The most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.

  • If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him

  • If two people want to get married, get married! As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want.

  • Never floss with a stranger.

  • If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.

Quotes from Phyllis Diller and Joan Rivers; my favorite philosophers.
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 rivers

 

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Categories: Daily Post, Humor, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

A Day in the Life of a Drama Queen

Daily Prompt – Dramatic 

The definition of “drama”?  A day in the life of a tweenie.

Whining kid:  “Mom, all my friends wear high heels to school.  I don’t want to wear sneakers to school anymore.  I’m not a little kid.  You just want me to be ugly.  You want me to be different.  You don’t want me to be popular.  You want me to be a geek.”

Me:  “I don’t care what all your friends wear, you’re not wearing high heels in 6th grade.”

But, after another 24 hours of whining, pouting, tears and hysteria and noticing how she unsteadily navigated in the little kitten heels bought for her cousin’s wedding I caved.

Me:  “I’ve given it some thought and decided that you are now old enough to make wise decisions.  You can wear those shoes to school if you want, just like all your friends.”

The next afternoon I watched her hobbling toward the house holding her shoes in her hand and wincing with each barefoot step.

Whining kid:  “Mom, you did that on purpose!  You knew I’d get blisters from wearing those shoes.  I had to go to the nurse’s office to get bandaids and then I had to line my shoes with toilet paper to keep them from rubbing and the toilet paper fell out of my shoe and people laughed and it’s all your fault!  You ruined my life.  I’ll never forgive you for this.  Wait til I tell Dad what you did.  He’ll divorce you and I’ll live with him and he won’t make my friends laugh at me.”

Me:  “Sweetheart, I didn’t force you to wear those shoes.  As a matter of fact I didn’t want you to wear heels to school because I know how painful they can be.  I wear heels every day and sometimes I get blisters.  I never want you to be hurt but I let you make your own decision.  I think you learned an important lesson.”

Whining kid:  “Yeah.  You want me to be unpopular.”

And that, my friends, is the definition of drama.

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Categories: Daily Prompt, Family, Humor, Life, Parenting, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

The Princess and the Pee

Daily Prompt:  Roaring Laughter – What was the last thing that gave you a real, authentic, tearful, hearty belly laugh? Why was it so funny?

I am re-posting the blog I did about the last time I had a fall-on-the-ground, laughing till I hurt moment.  Next week I will be camping with The Princess and expect to have many more such moments to report.

https://wanderwomanblog.com/2015/03/26/the-princess-and-the-pee/

stop-i-am-going-to-pee

 

Categories: Aging Gracefully, Daily Prompt, Family, Humor, Life, Uncategorized | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

This is My Life

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Clean Slate.”   

Explore the room you’re in as if you’re seeing it for the first time. Pretend you know nothing. What do you see? Who is the person who lives there?

Family bookkeeper, family correspondent & archivist, blogger, eBay store owner

Family bookkeeper, correspondent & archivist, blogger, eBay store owner

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Sentamentalist & very amateur photographer – a favorite place near our cottage on Lake Huron

Avid reader

Avid reader

With eclectic interests

With eclectic interests

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Whimsical

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Loves necklaces of all kinds

room2

Family archivist  and more whimsy

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Family cottage on Lake Huron

 

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Family and Lladro statue representing first child

Thrifty

Thrifty

Sentamentalist - Crazy kids 22 years ago

Sentamentalist – Crazy kids 22 years ago

Sentamentalist - kids pre-grandchildren

Sentamentalist – kids pre-grandchildren

 

Categories: Daily Prompt, Family, Life, Uncategorized | Tags: , , | 1 Comment

My Plot of Earth

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “A Plot of Earth.”  You’re given a plot of land and have the financial resources to do what you please. What’s the plan?

I received my forested plot of earth surrounding a large blue lake atop a ridge in the Allegheny Mountains.  We gifted our four children with acreage on my mountaintop and built them each a small cottage near the lakeshore with outbuildings for their workshops. My son-in-law has an art studio and a dark room; my daughter a quilting studio.  Her brother has an exercise studio with space for his bonsai and other passions and his wife received a sewing and design studio.  Our other son-in-law’s workshop is used to design his outdoor line of products while our other son produces natural ginger beer and vinegars in his workshop.  Guest quarters are located above each workshop and the cottages are designed for easy expansion.

We have cleared pathways between the cottages for our grandchildren.  They can easily find their way to the communal building with the large country kitchen where there’s usually someone baking something.  A vintage wooden table can seat 18 or can serve as a craft table for the kids.  Our children are extremely competitive and enjoy cooking, and out-cooking each other, so we often enjoy wonderful meals together with lots of sarcasm, puns, sick jokes and occasionally arm-wrestling.   A family room with a large fireplace, comfortable seating and a huge flat screen TV overlooks the play area with gaming tables and toys.  A stock of my favorite books provides entertainment when the TV is turned off.

There’s a dock on the lake for fishing and boating.  No motor boats; just kayaks, canoes and paddle boards. We built a campfire circle with lots of Adirondack chairs.  Hammocks are strung between the trees and plenty of tire swings are available for the grandkids. A large shed holds our toys — sleds, skis, snowmobiles, snowshoes, rafts, badminton sets, volley and soccer balls, skates, hula hoops, tents, sleeping bags, fishing poles, life vests, paddles and oars.

The most fun part of this fantasy is the tree house we built in the large oak tree behind my cottage and the zip line that runs from the treehouse down to the lake.  The shrieks and laughter gladden my heart, and that’s just from the adults.  The grandkids aren’t old enough to use the zip line yet.

If I was given a plot of earth and unlimited resources I would create a Walton’s Mountain for my family.  A place of security, serenity, safety and love; a place where my children and their children could support and protect each other.  We would call it, Jodi’s Mountain … or we could call it heaven.

Good night John Boy.

Categories: Daily Prompt, Family, Life, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

The Stockings Were Hung By the Chimney With Care

3 stockings were already delivered in Atlanta

3 stockings were already delivered in Atlanta

Actually the stockings were too heavy and plump to be hung so they sat comfortably on the hearth waiting for the kids to arrive on Christmas Eve.

Stockings have been a cherished family tradition since our four kids were small.  We started our own business and money was tight but I loved to watch my little ones get excited over brightly wrapped gifts.  So, I gathered lots of fun, small items and wrapped each one individually.  Toothpaste, toothbrushes, combs and brushes, deodorant, breath mints, gum, socks, underwear, cards, kazoos, harmonicas, hand sanitizer, tissue packets, lollipops, whoopee cushions (kids always laugh at anything fart related), chocolates, Pez dispensers, pens, water balloons, bubbles, Post-It notes … anything small, age-appropriate and inanimate that could be wrapped and shoved into their stockings. Every stocking was topped with a Christmas ornament with their name and the year written on it for posterity.

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Granddaughter Rebekah’s stocking

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Grandson Max’s stocking

This year I put together 11 stockings.  That’s about 100 small objects individually wrapped.  That’s a lot of work with no little elves volunteering to help.  When I once suggested that we stop with the stockings already, the kids who were young adults by then said they would rather have their Christmas stockings than gifts under the tree. Imagine.

As the children became adults and left home to start their own traditions they took all their accumulated ornaments and their hand-made Christmas stockings. We just received a photo from our daughter Laura who lives across the country taken while putting up our new grandson Louis’ first tree.  It was a photo of her ornament from 1983 and she thanked us for starting the tradition that she intends to continue.  Now I just buy inexpensive throwaway stockings each year and keep stuffing.

Over the past 25+ years, Christmas stockings became a family joke with everyone wondering what craziness I would find to wrap up in Christmas paper. I think my favorite was when we inherited some old full pelt mink collars and I wrapped one up as a stocking stuffer for one of the boys.  When he tore the paper off and the fuzzy ears and beady little eyes peeked out, all four kids (and their dad) shrieked and then screamed with laughter. And that’s how Christmas memories are made!

Can you believe women used to wear these as collars?

Can you believe women used to wear these as collars?

Merry Christmas and happy, healthy and prosperous new year.

Categories: Family, Humor, Life | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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