This morning I weighed myself and found that I’d gained half a pound. Later I stepped on the scale but this time I sucked in my stomach. I was still up half a pound.
Aging Gracefully
I Gained Half a Pound
Categories: Aging Gracefully, Daily Prompt, Humor, Life, Uncategorized
Tags: Daily Prompt, gaining weight, Life, weight, women
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Body Parts that Jiggle
So you get to a certain age and body parts don’t stay where they’re supposed to:
- You raise your arms to style your hair and your underarms jiggle like batwings.
- You swing your legs out of bed in the morning and your thighs keep swinging.
- You shake your head “no” and your neck starts gobbling.
- You wake up on your back and wonder why there are pillows under your arms … they’re your boobs.
- You turn over in bed and you have to wait a nanosecond for your tummy to follow.
- You don’t dare jog because your gazongas could knock you out.
- You think you’re being followed but it’s only your ass slapping against the back of your legs.
And then you realize that your belly shakes “like a bowl full of jelly.” Merry Christmas.
Categories: Aging Gracefully, Daily Prompt, Humor, Life, Uncategorized
Tags: aging, Daily Prompt, humor
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Or…
My everyday decisions:
- Get out of bed and exercise OR snuggle in with a cup of coffee and Facebook
- Wash my hair OR wear a baseball cap
- Clean the pool OR put my feet up and read a book
- Take the recycled bin out to the roadway OR wait another week
- Put on makeup, get dressed, run errands OR stay home and doodle around the house
- Pay the bills OR go shopping
- Answer the phone OR let it go to voice mail
- Work in the yard OR play with my grandkids
- Quilt OR crochet
- Watch HGTV OR read a good book
- Clean the bathrooms OR float in the pool and read a good book
- Go grocery shopping OR eat an unidentified object from the refrigerator
- Clean the house OR meet a girlfriend for lunch
- Take my daily walk at sunrise OR sunset
- Send a text to my kids OR call them
- Cook dinner OR go out for Happy Hour and appetizers
- Scotch OR wine
Either/or, neither/nor …. Life is good.
Categories: Aging Gracefully, Daily Prompt, Family, Humor, Life, Uncategorized
Tags: Daily Prompt, decisions, or
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As it was in the beginning, so it is …
I started babysitting when I was 12 earning $.50 per hour; $1 an hour for New Years Eve. I was allowed to start wearing lipstick when I was 13. So, the first thing I did on my 13th birthday was hit the cosmetic aisle at Woolworths. I bought a tube of “Blush Pink” by Coty and my first makeup base, CoverGirl liquid. Oh, and don’t forget a spray bottle of Evening in Paris with matching body powder. It was several years before I graduated to Jean Nate. That first cosmetic buying trip (I think I spent $8) was my initiation to gorgeous – or so I believed.
I knew nothing about matching my liquid base to my skin tone. I figured since I grew up on Miami Beach and was tan, that was the color I should use. I thought I looked beautiful when actually I had a kind of orange glow a la Donald Trump. I knew nothing about blending my base coat out toward my jawline and neck so, mask-like I went to school dreaming I looked like Twiggy. Did I mention that I have freckles and was chubby? You can imagine what my troglodyte “friends” had to say.
Fast forward 50+ years and I just wish I could supplement my retirement income with the $$$ I’ve spent on makeup — liquids, cakes, cremes, powders — Lancome, Estee Lauder, Maybelline, MAC, Avon, Urban Decay, Clinique, L’Oreal – you name it, I’ve tried it. In addition to my makeup base, I’ve spent a fortune on eyeliners, eye shadows, concealers, blushers, wrinkle removers, cover-ups, et al. And guess what?
Categories: Aging Gracefully, Humor, Retirement, Uncategorized
Tags: cosmetics, covergirl, makeup base, makeup foundation, twiggy
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Maybe, Baby
If you’re over 50 you might remember The Chantels, but
what about “Maybe” by Janis Joplin:
Enjoy.
Categories: Aging Gracefully, Daily Prompt, Music, Uncategorized
Tags: Daily Prompt, Janis Joplin, Maybe, Maybe Baby, The Chantels
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Musings of a Muse
While trying on bathing suits in a dressing room with a three-way mirror, I discovered that in a previous incarnation I must have been Reuben’s muse. The 16th century artist apparently loved chubby women. Hence, the term “Reubenesque”. My kinda guy.
Categories: Aging Gracefully, Daily Post, Humor, Life, Uncategorized
Tags: Daily Post, muse, Reuben, Reubenesque, zaftig
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Why Limit Happy to an Hour?
The epitome of a good day:
- Woke up from a good night’s rest with no arthritis pain
- Ate previous night’s leftovers for breakfast – no brainer Paleo meal
- I was the first customer at Grease Monkey for an oil change, had coffee with the guys & they gave me a new customer discount
- Pool store clerk loaded 3 jugs of chlorine in the car for me without me asking for help
- Home Depot associate gave me a 2 x 3′ piece of plywood for free when I told him I was making a counter-top ironing board for my quilting projects
- Washed my car in the driveway – it was overcast & almost cool. No heat exhaustion. No streaks.
- Rode my new bike to the library without accidents or incidents (just a sore ass)
- Bought 2 beautiful, ripe mangos – my favorite fruit
- Pulled weeds around the lanai without seeing worms, snakes or anything else startling or disgusting
- Dove down to pull a rogue plastic lid covering the drain at the bottom of the pool and didn’t drown
- Received calls from my kids
- Finished my retro step stool project
Before
After
- Amazon delivered my new bicycle basket and I installed it in 3 minutes
- Found enough fabric in my stash to make skirts for the work tables in my quilt studio so I can save my $ to buy more quilting fabric
- Customer picked up her antique embroidered butterfly top that I custom quilted for her and raved about it
- Found food in the refrigerator for dinner – no last minute run to the grocery store
- Watched three episodes of “Nurse Jackie”
- Listened to the laughter of the kids next door splashing in their grandparents’ pool
- Fell asleep thinking about tomorrow’s fun
Categories: Aging Gracefully, Daily Prompt, Humor, Life, Retirement, Uncategorized
Tags: biking, Daily Prompt, DIY, happy, laughter, Pool
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Gotta Have More Cushie for my Tushie
I don’t believe the good lord intended for my 67-year old ass to ride on a narrow mountain bike seat for any extended period of time. If such were His intentions, He would have made my ass smaller or the seat bigger.
As we all know, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions and I intend to live a healthier lifestyle by riding my bike for any errand within a 3-mile radius of my home. Today was the first day of the rest of my life (do you like my aphorisms?) with a 3-mile ride to return library books and pick up a few audio books for my car trip next week. Mission accomplished in 40 minutes, including 10 minutes to choose my audio books.
Pros: feel good & energetic, proud of myself, felt safe & secure on my smaller bike, no accidents
Cons: my ass bones hurt. I didn’t know there were bones in your ass. Temporarily solved the problem by alternating butt cheeks on the saddle.
So, there is definitely a larger, cushier bike seat in my future as I continue to peddle my ass around town.
Categories: Aging Gracefully, Health, Humor, Life, Retirement, Uncategorized
Tags: biking, exercise, fat ass, humor, library, mature women
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I Don’t Want to be Rescued
My five requirements to survive on a deserted island:
- Survival gear (including books)
- Wine
- Self-starting logs with plenty of firewood and a Bic
- Internet connection with my iPhone
- Hugh Jackman and a large quilt
Categories: Aging Gracefully, Daily Prompt, Humor, Life, Uncategorized
Tags: Daily Prompt, Hugh Jackman, humor, mature women
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Sisters Camping Trip # 3 – Preparation
So, the Princess and I survived our first two camping adventures without hurting each other. I always try mightily to back my Casita travel trailer into our camp site but I echo Blanche DuBois (A Streetcar Named Desire), “I have always depended on the kindness of strangers,” when I fail miserably. My job is to sweat and cuss and try and try again to back the camper in the right direction. Yes, I know you have to turn the wheel in the opposite direction from where you want the trailer to go. The Princess’ job is to stand around looking adorable with an an imploring look & pleading smile while nearby campers rush to volunteer to back the trailer in for us. I guess it takes a village. Whatever.
This time we’re heading to St. George Island State Park in the Florida panhandle. We’ll camp on the beach and explore Apalachicola and other coastal towns. We’ll eat lots of seafood — shrimp, oysters, mullet, etc. It’s going to be cold (30’s-40’s at night) so walks on the beach may mean bundling up in several layers. Picture two female Pillsbury dough boys and pray we don’t trip. “We’ve fallen and we can’t get up.”
I’ve prepared and frozen two meals, chili one night and chicken cacciatore for another night. I plan to store them in the freezer compartment to help keep the refrigerator cold, then use my slow cooker to defrost and heat up our dinner when we’re ready. I’m buying steaks & Idaho potatoes for our first night. Since we don’t have a very good track record with grilling on an outdoor fire, I’ll buy New York strips instead of rib eyes just in case our dreams go up in smoke (again). The Princess is responsible for cocktails and appetizers for the trip and local restaurants and bars will fill in the gaps.
I live in southwest Florida and the Princess lives in central Florida so we coordinate our departure times and meet at the confluence of I-75 and the Florida Turnpike in Wildwood. Her husband transfers her luggage (matching pieces of course) to my car and off we go.
I’ll let you know when we get there.
Categories: Aging Gracefully, Camping, Family, Humor, Life, Retirement, Travel, Uncategorized
Tags: blanche dubois, camp fires, camping, Casita, humor, laughing, mature women, road trip, sisters, st. george state park, streetcar named desire, traveling
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Adventures
Gammill Classic Long Arm Machine
Long Key, FL
I’m the one on the right!
Getting Old Ain’t for Sissies
Beware Alligators!
Mamacita with her new Casita!
Can’t Get No Satisfaction
Wander Woman 